1-2-3, that’s good enough for me.

No, not talking about a rolling stop.

It took exactly three tries to lance the boil on Gurtogg’s hairy…

Well, let’s not go there.

This guild, casual though it may be, has a tendency to blow through the more mundane bosses the moment you blink, and they did it to me again last week. The callous disregard they show for our more temporally overallocated members by first timing bosses hurtses us, yes it does precious.

As such, those of us who can only play two nights per week, may have to start putting out contracts on the Wednesday Nighters in an effort to slow them down, so we get a chance to come out to play too.

So if you happen to know any alliance of questionable ethic and moral fiber, who roam in packs and wouldn’t mind jumping lone Calzowned members on wednesday nights when they have them seriously outnumbered, please send them…

HA! See what I did there! That describes all of you, you alliance pansies! (apologies to Jeskia, who is only a part-time pansy). I’m not going to pay for what I can get for free!

(On the other hand, feel free to gank any and all calzowned members you come across on Wednesdays. Those of us with less free time on our hands may just thank you for it.)

Oh yeah, and congrats on Bloodboil.

I guess.


More than one way to skin a Cat

Archipwned Archimonde down.


This one felt good. Really, really good.

It took our fair share of nights to get Archimonde to finally drop for us. Lots of simmering frustration and lip biting… concerns about whether we’d manage it or not. This one was different from Gorefiend though, in that there didn’t seem to be a way for everyone to “learn” the fight sufficiently to beat it… it just seemed like no matter what we did, fire would slash through the melee group like the sword of Zorro… I swear it would come from every direction at once, and we’d suddenly have half a dozen people with doomfire.

But everyone kept their cool.

Each guild has it’s own strategy for beating him… for us, it was bringing 11 healers. We’d gotten really good at using the tears, and nobody was cratering… our healers were kicking butt on the main tank heals, and Throt makes stance dancing the fears look effortless, and yet, we just couldn’t seem to get past the fires.

So for us, the solution was more healing. Not sure we’re quite ready to proclaim him as being on farm status, but this was probably the most gratifying kill yet for everyone, if the cheers in Vent were to be measured from boss to boss. Knowing what we know now should make future attempts more feasible for us.

Sadly, Bizz was missing for Father’s day, while the rest of us less adequate parental types skipped out to raid Hyjal.
Maybe next time Bizz.

Awesome job, guys!

Ghost of a Chance.

Teron Gorefiend down, Archimonde teetering.

It’s funny how sometimes the best strategy is just to walk away. After a brief break from progression raids, we came back and dropped Gorefiend on our second serious attempt, which left plenty of time to go back and visit Archimonde.

Even with several new people, we had our best night on the Hyjal boss, with 3 of 11 tries seeing Archi in the low 30’s. In fact, across the board, Sunday night’s attempts were solid, with only a few being early jumps into the fire for a quick rebuff and go (including 1 in which the MT got hit by no less than 3 seperate doomfire trails at the same time… go go random number generator).

Fortunately for us, at no point did anyone with a curse die while standing beside a mage with a perfectly functional decursing set up on his raid bars.


That’s my story… I’m sticking with it.

(Stertly stepped into doomfire or something).

Is it getting hot in here?

Azgalor Down. Archimonde on deck.

What is it with Blizz, and standing in fire? I suppose it’s one way to tell if people are asleep at the wheel or not. Tonight we got our first real shots at Azgalor and it really felt like the night was on cruise control; we were finishing all the waves early, and dropped him on the second attempt. We would’ve probably one shotted him except for a certain someone who didn’t get to Thrall quite as quickly as they expected Blink would get them there… well… ahem… yes, let’s move on (nothing to see here).

Archimonde is a whole other matter.

It’s pretty clear this guy is going to be the biggest test of guild patience and perseverance we’ve faced. I don’t remember another fight where you can so clearly point the finger of absolute undeniable blame at an individual for causing a wipe… it’s really a rather cruel joke on Blizz’s part. We’ve read that this is really a test of individual skill, but more than anything it feels like it’s more of a test of guild unity. You’re going to wipe, and it’s going to be someone’s fault.

Regardless, I blame Bizzam, seeing as how he was off living the life of a high roller in Vegas while the rest of us learned how to play “guess how much lag you have before you splat into the ground”, or at least those of us who don’t have “Blink” (suckers!).

(oh, wait… raid wipe, right. Please press the Shiny Red Button at the right time, everyone).

We’ll be back to roll them bones a few more times Archi. You wait and see.

That was a boss fight?

Last time I wrote one of these, I did it from the perspective of Auctioneer Yarley (highly recommended, I wouldn’t use anyone else… the rest of them are crooks).

This week though, I actually got to attend the weekly slashfest through Black Temple and had the satisfaction of abusing Supremus and Shade.

What made the experience all the more fun, was how quickly the Shade of Akama encounter is over, and the stunned silence where all the noobs (yah, me) nervously glance around, waiting for the other shoe to drop, while uniformly wondering, “that was a boss fight?”. I suppose I’m making light of everyone else’s coordination, but in the time it took to figure out what it was I was supposed to be sheeping, we were looking down at the loot-infested-still-smoking corpse, and wondering when phase 2 was going to start.

On the other hand, it’s nice to get a break from encounters that are drawn out, and right on the ragged edge. Tonight we one-shotted Naj’entus, Supremus, and Akama, but didn’t get to try any further because we spent the first half of the raid night doing progression on Azgalor, which isn’t nearly as much fun, since a wipe means drudging through the 8 waves of aoe again. Hopefully we’ll get a shot at Archimonde later this week… yeah, nice and easy… that’ll be fun.

Free Epics for All!

It was the easiest night of raiding ever.

I didn’t use a single mana pot, healthstone, mana gem… (I did hit iceblock by accident once), the night flew by in a haze of mindless sweet oblivion.

Of course, I was at the auction house… the screams of the damned and dying over Vent and Guildchat said otherwise as the rest of the guild threw themselves at Naj’entus, Supremus, and Akama.

Or at least that’s what I wanted to hear… that I was somehow desperately needed to rush in there and save the day. Sadly, it turns out the buggers went and two-shotted everything, so apparently we have some pretty good players in the guild. (Not all of them mind you).

(HA! See what I did there? Now you’re wondering, “Am I one of the good ones, or the not so good ones?” I jest… You’re all good. (Maybe)   …(not Hopkins)).

With Supremus and Akama falling last night, that makes 6 new bosses down in 4 nights of raiding, which I’d like to think is pretty good for a casual guild that tries to raid only 2 nights per week (working on that third night now, much to the dismay of significant others everywhere).

Of course, we’re running out of punks to fight, and will have to start getting serious… with a little luck maybe tonight we can get a sneak peak at Archimonde and the russian roulette that is the Archimonde dance.

Black Temple… where are the sacrificial virgins?

Najentus down (Apparently they’re celebrating their 28th birthday in Portland .)

With last week’s foray into Mount Hyjal resulting in 3 new notches in our metaphoric swords, we turned our attention this week to Black Temple.

What a dump! The pinnacle of WoW’s instance library feels like a perverse, twisted version of Molten Core, only with 900% more camera and “stuck in a crack” annoyance factor. Having said that, the intrepid (and cowardly, let’s not forget the cowardly) explorers sloshed through the slime, setting their target on Naj’entus.

Nothing quite shows one’s affection for a guildmate like pulling a giant spine out of their forehead…
I think there’s a sort of perverse pleasure in watching Throt run in to tank a mob and get instagibbed from lack of healing… although in this case it looks like the culprit may have been a miscount on the number of healers we brought with us as opposed to the usual more sinister agenda.

In the frenzy of culling our figurative (and literal!) horde down to the requisite 25, we apparently didn’t realize that only 7 of those were of the healing persuasion. 8 wipes before we successfully popped bubble-boys bubble permanently will teach us to use more than one hand to count our healers next time. In all fairness to the healers, the 7 of them DID manage to get us to sub 10% on Naj several times, so kudos where kudos are deserved.

While it was getting a little late, we were feeling bloodthirsty (is there any other way for horde to feel?), and being a mere 20 minutes from our first encounter with Supremus, we couldn’t resist the lure of free epics (after all, everyone says he’s a pushover, right)?

Well, apparently everyone who DIDN’T think he’s a pushover had less than 21,000 hp and is lying in a shallow grave somewhere, as we were left scratching our heads as to why he kept turning and instagibbing the melee dps. We eventually figured out his nasty trick with the double hateful bolts in under a second.

Sadly, this revelation came about 10 minutes AFTER we called the raid as it was getting late, but hey, Supremus? (is that a Taco Bell special?), we know your naughty secret, and we’ll be back this week.

Mount Hyjal, and not a Sherpa in sight…

First of, credit to where it’s due, this update is brought to you by Eanne. No screenshots available, as I was slacking last night…but we may add some later!

The night didn’t start out well.

A certain rogue (name withheld so he can live with his shame privately), while clicking through Jaina’s dialog in a vain attempt to leave the instance, sent the guild scrambling ignominiously into the hills for their life when the event was started with only half the raid in the zone.

After Jaina picked herself up from a quick dirtnap, Calzowned’s first foray into Mount Hyjal went much more smoothly… Like an 800 lb gorilla, the group brute forced down the first 8 waves of trash on its first attempt, putting Rage Winterchill back in the ground where he belongs; a rousing round of cheers rang out when it was discovered that no one important had died.

Anetheron was next to the plate, and schooled the raid in the gentle art of boss management when it was discovered that he could do damage. To lots of people. At the same time. (Cheater).

A second attempt proved more productive, despite the plaintive cries of the mages to move the boss just two steps closer to Jaina falling upon the callously deaf ears of main tank Bizzam, who laughed in disdain at the obvious ploy for more mana. We’re pretty certain the mages would have done over 1 MILLION dps if he had just listened thanks to the recent spirit/mana regen changes, but, well… tanks are usually about as smart as stumps.

We think it comes from getting repeatedly hit on the head by large metallic things.

Being horde, we all had a good laugh as Jaina’s town was overrun in the sequence following Anetheron’s demise, and with spirits soaring to match our climb to the horde outpost atop the mountain, we made ready to send Kazrogal to join his bretheren.

Our second attempt at Kaz became the classic snails paced dps race, as dwindling dps collided head on with dwindling boss health and crashed to a halt at a meager 5% health left. Unfortunately, Chutoi’s mom said it was getting too late, so he took his ball home with him, effectively ending the raid for the night. We’re pretty sure his needing to sleep was a lie, as everyone knows that lawyers are soulless, blood sucking vampires… and at his age, we’re not sure he could even find his bed regardless.

All said, a pretty good first night into Mount Hyjal, and we look forward to the next two bosses later this week.

Hunting Easter Eggs in Serpentshrine Cavern

Calzowned Defeats VashjWith 2.4 looming on the horizon and the need for dropping Vashj and Kael’Thas for attunement to Black Temple and Mount Hyjal being removed, Calzowned made a guild goal to do our best to down Vashj and Kael’Thas before patch.

On Easter Sunday, Calzowned ventured into SSC to have some fun hunting Easter Eggs with Lady Vashj, and low and behold, eggs she did drop, in the form of our first Tier 5 helms!

Vashj proved to be a taxing encounter and really pushed our members to perform at the top of their game. I am very proud to report that we have downed Vashj for the first time! Way to go Calzowned!

Pre-Valentine’s day visit to Leotheras and Karathress

LeotherasWe heard that Karathress was having a Valentine’s day party so we thought we’d drop by for a visit.  Unfortunately, Leotheras was in the way, so we had to… dispatch him.

This was the first time we had attempted Leotheras.  After a few tries, poor Leotheras was laid to rest, finally at peace with his inner demon.

Fathom Lord KarathressAfter offing Leo, we headed on to pay Karathress a visit and take his Valentine day goodies.  We had only ever spent about an hour playing with the Fathom Lord in the past, but we were confident we would figure this one out.  And figure it out we did, defeating Karathress with only 1 death, which fortunately was not anyone of importance.

Two guild firsts in one night, and we continue to roll on through the 25 man content.  Next up is Vashj, and then on to Kael’thas.  We have a goal to properly enter Black Temple before patch 2.4 goes live so we now have a bit of a race on our hands.  But I feel we are up for the task, we have solid, competent raiders and I am confident we will break into Black Temple within a few weeks.

ExclamationCalzowned is still recruiting certain classes.  We are looking for a couple of resto druids, a holy priest (or two!), a possible holy paladin, and a warlock or two.  Please check out our recruitment section for more info!